Misadventure: Bitter Pill to Swallow

Yesterday as I was leaving my chiropractor’s office after a much needed crack, I noticed there was a very bitter taste lingering on the back of my tongue. I tried not to worry—I was going to be eating lunch soon anyway and that, of course, would remedy it. But no such luck. After peanut butter and jam, after a nectarine and some raisins, I couldn’t shake this skin-inside-the-shell-of-a-walnut bitterness.

Panic ensued: What if this never goes away? What if this means I have some kind of brain tumor? Will I never be able to enjoy food again? Think of all the things I haven’t eaten yet – I am too young to start eating bland, dry, old-folks-home turkey. OMG, did my breath stink at the chiropractor’s office?

Back at work and a little self conscious, I searched the internet for clues so that I could diagnose myself. This was a crucial step as I needed to collect all the relevant information in order to let my doctor know exactly what I have and how to fix it. He’ll thank me later for my diligent assistance.  My options:

Heartburn

Oral Cancer (Yikes)

Hiatal Hernia

Dental Cavity (possible)

Helicobacter pylori (what the fuck?)

So best case scenario, I needed to go to the dentist. Worse case scenario, I was dying. This is not good.

Maybe I’m just crazy. Maybe I’m inventing a condition because I am a little bored right now. Perhaps, it will just go away. Yeah, right.

When I got home from work, I did my best to remedy the problem. Brushing teeth, mouth wash, Whole Food’s lemon hummus, blueberry crumble, and white cheddar cheese were only temporary solutions. Even my good old standby—peppermint tea—fizzled out on me. I decided to Google again instead of admitting defeat. And this time something different caught my eye: pine nuts. 

PINE NUTS?! You have got to be kidding me.

It appears there are documented cases of pine nuts from China going rancid and causing a metallic, bitter taste in the mouth. Wikipedia mentions it. A contributing editor to Food and Wine experienced it. David Lebovitz blogged about it. Thankfully, I was not alone and therefore not crazy. There is nothing medically wrong (apparently) and the harsh taste goes away by itself… in one or two WEEKS! Sigh.

Unfortunately, I can’t do anything about it. Just sit and be bitter.